Obsessions, Confessions, and Revelations at Midnight

Where does our mind roam? Where does it obsess? What does the Bible tell us to do? It tells us to think on things that are right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy not food, worry, white noise, etc (Philippians 4:8). Matthew 6:25 (a) says, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink..”

I write the following entry not to condemn anyone but tell you what the Lord revealed to me about my relationship with food two nights ago at midnight. This revelation relates to any unhealthy obsession you may have such as alcohol, gambling, and or people. So, please read on!

I had just spent four hours on my new blog: Keeping It Real On the Winds of Real Worship. I could not sleep. I swam laps and then talked with my son. I swam some more. I then made a chicken salad sandwich with chips. I went to the couch to sit, and then I was pulled to the TV. I should have known something was up because I began to ponder a recent post I made about cutting the DVR shows I saved. Some of my shows were still there; new ones had occurred. What could one show hurt I thought and questioned? Boy, did I get an answer!

I can say relationship because I had a relationship with anorexia and bulimia in my teenage and young adult life. I had a relapse with anorexia in my late twenties. I have had relationships with many obsessions: God, work, family, and music. Some are unhealthy. It's unhealthy when food is your life! When all you think about is what you will eat next and how you will burn those calories? How many laps will I need to swim? How many push-ups? It's painful taking a walk down memory lane.

While eating disorders are complex and this blog does not explain or delve into their symptoms, causes, and or treatments, it is important to understand that many people who obsess over things are comfortable with themselves, others, or something that has happened to them. This blog goes deeper than the diagnosis and is about the relationship one can have with food.

Obsession can put people on edge and cause them to be anxious. For some, it’s the TV that has to be on. Why? I think it’s to fill either an empty space or an uncomfortable space. Is food my friend and comforter or Christ? Again, it’s about the relationship with food. It has taken me years to uncover the patterns or coping skills I learned when I was a young girl desperately trying to make my way through childhood and young adulthood safely and quickly. Food became my faithful friend; it was always there, and it never talked back when I threw it up.

I have always likened my obsession and relationship to someone with alcoholism because we are always thinking about the object or item. When can we have it next? Or, we are not going to have it. We have to wait to have it. How can we control it? Limit it to one day a week, and the obsessive thinking goes on and on and on! We can be so wrapped up in it. Some more than others! I might add this is an exhausting cycle.

We gladly, more often than not, run and spar like hamster on a never ending wheel, but how come we hardly ever get off? I have this picture turned to the right because this resembles or brokenness and dysfunction. Over the years I have faced many dark moments deciding if I wanted to hold onto dysfunction or let healing and life come. This was a long journey of prayer, counseling, reading books, teaching healthy eating classes, and learning to find balance and learn what is healthy. I have learned to love and accept myself.

God is revealing the strongholds that keep me from living a life of freedom in Him. If we are not comfortable in silence, there is something amiss, unaligned, or off within us. This needs to be addressed and fixed! I am finding new life in Christ, and I am overcoming my obsession. Just when I think it’s gone, God reveals another layer or buried stronghold that I need to understand, overcome, and release.

Here is what happened: At midnight, I did not want to think about anything at all. I realized that it meant that I did not want to quiet myself and be still in the silence. The TV, sandwich, and chips were my check-out ticket. I am not saying there is anything wrong with checking out from time-to-time, but when it is because of running, fear, or denial, it’s no good!

How we need silence and quiet time. The droning sounds and activities of life cloud our space, but we need silence to think on things. When and if we get there, we need to decide on what we are going to focus on. If we focus on the wrong things and we end of getting upset, sad, or frustrated, why would we come back to that silence? Some crave the negative vibe and feed this monster too. Anger is another addictive obsession. Any way you slice it; the word tell us what to think on.

The following scriptures are helpful in learning where to put our minds and thoughts:

Joshua 1:8

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous

and successful.

Psalm 1:2 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,

and who meditates on his law day and night.

Psalm 48:9 Within your temple, O God,

we meditate on your unfailing love.

Psalm 77:12 I will consider all your works

and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

Psalm 119:15 I meditate on your precepts

and consider your ways.

Psalm 119:23 Though rulers sit together and slander me,

your servant will meditate on your decrees.

Psalm 119:27 Cause me to understand the way of your precepts, that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.

Psalm 119:148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.

It’s something to think about!